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Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
11:01 pm
so here's the scoop.
I had a baby,
yes you read that correctly,
a baby.

A baby boy,
Connor Maurice Laing.
Pretty much the most adorable little boy in the world.

I also got engaged to the most amazing guy,
I think they call it fate when shit like this happens,
but all i know is i couldn't be any happier or lucky.

Best part of all this,
I didnt even know i was pregnant.

He's my little miracle boy!!!!

 



Current Mood: flustered
Thursday, December 17th, 2009
6:56 am
*
Moose, Give your head a shake woman! Don't ever think for a second that you can't call me up and talk, vent, pre-occupy your mind, or even just be in silence because you just wanna know that if you have something to say there's someone there ready to listen. Cause dude, regardless of what I've got going on, it'll never mean that I won't be there for you, sure it may take a little while longer or you might hear Connor crying through the phone lol, but that doesn't mean I won't be listening or helping you figure something out if you're asking my advice. Your my BFF, I'll always be there for you, through thick and thin, remember that!

Current Mood: hungry
Monday, September 7th, 2009
5:15 pm

so, as of late things have drastically changed. I've left what I knew for something I don't. Its scary, overwhelming, and just weird. There's days that I feel like I've shaken the feeling, and Im ready to face the world but only to realize Im not so sure. Its different and im back to a feeling I dont particularly care for. I'd like to say Im making a change, striving for the best, running against the wind, but honestly Im not. Im left standing in one spot because I dont think I can push any further. as much as id like to, i dont think its going to happen.  Im in a stand still about so many things i cant even begin to explain. Im sick of feeling alone and lost, empty and confused. I wish I could just have that fufillment that i used to feel.




I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you



Current Mood: discontent
Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
11:22 pm
          
&& when you figure out love is all that matters after all,
it sure makes everything else seem so small
.
 
Monday, July 13th, 2009
6:18 pm
Climbing
So, its been a while since i've written in this bad boy.
It's probably about time I update the sitch here.

first off, alot has happened in the last few months thats led to some crazy things.
Mom ended in up in the hospital, she's out now, doing ok, I no longer live at home,
remember that boy i spoke of in previous posts? yep, him. I now live with him. =]
It hasn't been very long but i can't lie, I'm pretty scared especially considering I've ever
lived away from home before, let alone with a boyfriend. BUT truth be told Im 10 times more happy
about it than scared.That boy is seriously my rock and I love him to pieces. Without him I seriously
have no idea where I would be right now.

&& speaking of important people,
There's another I HAVE to take some time out to mention. Miss Sara. Mhm. The best friend anyone
could possibly ask for. She's been there through so much with me its incredible, and I've let her
down quite a few times in the past year, and yet I'm still lucky enough to have her around. thank you Sara you honestly have no idea how much that means to this kid, cause without your words of wisdom and help to guide me through I swear I would probably be in the looney bin, or at least on the verge of disaster. I know that we've grown apart quite a bit since high school and that alot of things have changed, but i def mean it when i say i hope our friendship never dies. I also hope things start to get better for you, and that you pave a path that works for you. Nothing is more stressful than being in situations where you're uncomfortable but yet don't want to leave the security of them. I've been there. Its stupid having to put up with something you know you usually wouldn't for a second even think twice about, but i understand. Although you say you think you've lost that "strength" and "determination", you haven't dear, you just have to surface it again, it's still there, you've just buried it. You're still the strong willed, independant and stubborn, yes i said stubborn haha ( but i swear i mean it in a good way! cuz i am too!) young woman I met back at St. Paul's. you'll find your way, no doubt about it, you have the will, the heart,passion and ambition to be an incredibly successful person and I can't wait to see where life takes you!


&& One last person here,
My papa. Yeaaaah I know im a dork for making a lets called it a "shout out" to my dad,
but hey Im my daddy's little girl.
I wanna thank you for being there for me through this last little bit. well my whole life too but specifically this past month and a half. You really have no idea how much it means to me that you put so much trust in me, and relied on me for so much as well. You let me show you the responsibility I've always told you I've possessed and you gave me the opportunity to prove it. I love you papa and you mean the world to me!!





♥I can almost see it,
That dream Im dreamin'
but theres a voice inside my head sayin
you'll never reach it,
Every step im takin,
every move im make feels
lost with no direction
my faith is shakin
but i, i gotta keep tryin
gotta keep my head held high,
cause.
theres always gunna be another mountain
im always gunna wanna make it move,
always gunna be an uphill battle
sometimes im gunna have to lose


aint about how fast i get there
aint about what's waitin on the
other side,
Its the climb. ♥




Current Mood: inspired
Sunday, April 5th, 2009
11:45 pm

there is a few different things i need to say here:

first off, thank you. You brought a realization to me today that got me thinking, there is alot of stuff I let slide past me that I shouldn't. I'm taken advantage of and don't realize it. well maybe taken advantage of isn't the right way to say it but, I mean I take a fair amount of bullshit that i shouldn't really have too.

secondly, I love how you can be so honest with me. Even if it does hurt a little bit and i seem upset, just know i respect the fact you have the balls to tell me shit straight up. I appreciate that, and am glad to know you're not afraid to be honest.

Thirdly, You make me happy. You're always there. && recently have broken down the walls I had just put back up. You straight to my face made it clear to me that you like me more than you led me to believe. I've had the best last month, scratch that, close to three months i have ever had thanks to you, (knock on wood) although its only going to get more difficult with the both of us working so much, I know we'll be able to get through it and make it work. We have this far living an hour apart, and with different hours. I miss you all the time, but just know 133 boy ♥
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
12:32 am
,
&& I really don't care what they say,
cause' baby you've become my addiction,
I'm so strung out on you, I can barely move,
But I like it, and && its all because of you.
Baby, I'm so in love with you. ♥
Monday, March 16th, 2009
11:59 pm
..
this isn't going to be anything fancy, just a rant for my own good.

I'm starting to wonder what the hell im good for. Im losing my best friend slowly, but pretty much surely. I love her to death and would do anything for her but we're heading in different directions, and our outlook on life is totally opposite.Im sorry moose.



I'm also coming to a realization that maybe he's not what i need right now, and even worse, I dont think im what he needs right now either. I love him to pieces and wouldnt in a million years want to let him go but its just not the same anymore. Its never simple or easy and i cringe my teeth at that. its not fair that no matter which way i go its seems its never the right way. Ive tried so hard and so many times to carefully choose a path.. they've all been dead ends some longer paths than others. I don't need this right now either. What i DO need is to get my life on track, focus on me for a little bit but i hate doing that. I'd rather help someone else better their life than my own. It must be because im afraid to face reality. Im not 12 anymore. Im growing up way faster than i want to. responsibility is popping up out of nowhere. I dont know what to do with it. Im scared to death. Pretty soon im going to have a panic attack and its not gunna be fun lol. K, thats not funny in the least but still... I hate where im at right now. I've started to pave a new path, one with a little more flair, and one perhaps that may take me places. at least for the time being. I just hate not knowing whats going to happen. Especially with him. Some days he's absolutely amazing and all i want is to just lay there and think of nothing, just living in that moment. then other days its as if im invisible. He says he only wants it to be casual, but i cant do that. Im already in too deep and im almost positive he knows that. I try and play it off like thats not the case but i know he sees right through that, anyone can. He's changed me in so many ways, good and bad i guess. I love him so much and i can't even tell him that. I wish he would just let me love him, and show him how i really feel... and i just wish he felt the same way. its not fair for me to keep going like this, I just know though, its impossible for me to get anymore hurt past this point if something were to happen, I keep telling myself "say something" but everytime i go to i just get lost again. I dont have the guts to, even though i owe it to myself. At the same time i think well considering your already so deep in, may as well keep going. I wanna save myself the hurt but i dont think im doing anything but damage to myself. I hate this.

Current Mood: stressed
Sunday, March 8th, 2009
7:24 pm

Boy, you are so damn confusing.
You drive me crazy.
What you say contradicts every move you make...
I'm puzzled.
You're so caring and affectionate,
the way you kiss me makes me melt,
but some of the words you throw my way
make me add another brick to the wall
I had initially torn down.
Maybe its just lust,
but truthfully I think its more.
You act as if you can't get enough,
You tell me you miss and "luv" me,
But then you turn around and have the nerve
to tell me shit like "You're getting too attached"
Well I'm sorry you have a fear of commitment,
&& are afraid to let yourself believe in this.
I'm not sure how much longer I can keep
acting as if its no big deal and going along
with this...
I don't wanna leave,
but you need to realize what you do to me,
admit how you feel,
&& decide the next move.

So,
For now,
I'll keep guard,
&& patiently
wait.
Wednesday, March 4th, 2009
5:29 pm
.
It's you and me
Let me play the lead role in your wildest dream
So baby tell me what's your fantasy
Matter fact, just kick back
I'll show you things you'll never believe


I'm talking bout' candle light dinners
Trips around the world
There's nothing I wouldnt give her,
If she was my girl
She'd never see the winner
Take a second and dream
I'll show you things you'll never believe


Let me be your fantasy, Yeah
I know you dream of me everytime you fall asleep
I can be your fantasy, Yeah
And when you think of me
Just close your eyes and dream

It's you and me
Riding around the city
On a shopping spree
I can only imagine what you do to me
Baby kick back
Let me show you things you'll never believe



I'm talking bout' candle light dinners
Trips around the world
There's nothing I wouldnt give her,
If she was my girl
She'd never see the winner
Take a second and dream
I'll show you things you'll never believe


Let me be your fantasy, Yeah
I know you dream of me everytime you fall asleep
I can be your fantasy, Yeah
And when you think of me
Just close your eyes and dream

Just, just dream (of me)
Just, just dream (of me)


I'm talking bout' candle light dinners
Trips around the world
There's nothing I wouldnt give her,
If she was my girl
She'd never see the winner
Take a second and dream
I'll show you things you'll never believe


Current Mood: blah
Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
11:39 pm
.
so here's the update.

1) I still have the greatest best friend ever.
even though i dont see her as often as i should she's still a big part in my life.

2) I still have an amazing boyfriend that I am TOTALLY in love with. &hearts;

3) Im currently attempting to find a job that will support me when i "leave the nest"

4) I am stressed as fuck being as broke as I am right now

5) im hoping things will take a turn for the better soon..
Tuesday, January 27th, 2009
2:25 pm
Dear Mr.Whyte,

I remember when I first starting going to victor mager.
You opened your classroom door to everyone, even
if they didnt belong in there.
I sharply remember the only class I looked forward
to going to, was yours. && trust me, science wasnt and still
isnt my strong point lol. thing is, you never cared. You didnt care
if any of us were any good at it. The point was to try. & because of
that, the majority of us did.
You were an amazing teacher, and had a very special way
of communicating with us.
If we didnt understand something, it wasnt a big deal
at all to raise our hand and say so.
You were more than willing to spend an entire class
to make that one student understand that one little
detail.
I also remember your "brain farts" as you'd call them.
Or how you use to say "im in shape, round is a shape!"
You made learning so fun, and easy.
You knew how to get through to every single one of us.
&& I dont ever recall hearing your voice raised at us. not once.

Or how you could instantiously tell if something was wrong.
Always. There was no way around it.
I remember multiple times saying "shit" to myself,
because the minute you looked over I took tell you knew,
&& about five seconds later it was out in the hallway,
with sincere conversation and questions, making
sure I was alright.
Truth is, just knowing someone outside of family cared,
was more than enough to make me feel better.

Then there's the time when you came out in the hallway
when Ms.Ferguson was giving cassy and I hell for coming
to school smelling like smoke. Oh boy. I think I can speak for
cassy when I say we never thought we'd hear the end of it!
Back then, man was I ever mad, but now I can look back and
say wow.He really cared. Because you did. You always did.

Or when I wouldnt take off my coat so I got sent to the principals
office and you came out into the hallway and hollered "just let it go Courtney"
and I flat out refused. Boy was i ever stubborn!

what about when I was too freaked to present my project in front of the
class? you told me I could present it to just you during lunch or after school.
That made me feel so much better. I remember getting an 87% on that project.
it was the highest mark i had gotten in anything that year, i was happier than
a pig in the mud i tell ya.

It was physically impossible to not have a smile on our faces
when we were in that classroom. You are/were an amazing teacher,
and a great friend.
You did so much, possessed so much humility, and cared
alot for everyone.

I guess heaven must of just needed their angel back.

You will never be forgotten,
&& you will always be in our hearts.

R.I.P Mr.Whyte ♥

2:25 am
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥


There's this boy. && he definitely has my heart.
Although we met in an unusual manner,
& in a place you really shouldn't meet people
you fall in love with, he's amazing.

How he knows to say what he does
when he talks, i'll never know.
He's cute, smart, creative,
hard working, sincere, funny,
kind, caring, affectionate,
friendly, outgoing, easy going,
generous, understanding,
willing to listen, humble,
&& entirely out of my league.


Everything about him is amazing.
The way he talks,
the way he walks,
the way he grabs my hand even when
we're two feet away from the door,


the way he isnt afraid to show other
people he cares about me,
the way he holds my hand
while we're driving,
the way he waits for me,


the way he makes me walk beside,
not in front of or behind him,
the way we get into silly conversations,
the way he can make me smile
without saying a single word...


It takes someone pretty damn incredible
to have that affect on another person..
Even though it took two and a half months,
I will never regret a single day,
&& consider myself extremely lucky
to call him my boyfriend.

I Love You boy. ♥






Current Mood: relaxed
Sunday, July 13th, 2008
12:18 am
so right about meow,  
im preeeettty damn happy with my life, 
i love where i work, its amazing, 
i love getting up and knowing that im off to another exciting day of work, 
&honestly, no body i know likes their job, 
so i feel privelidged to say that i love my job. also i may be getting a second job, but doing the same thing, 
just at another location, which is pretty awesome. 
and then well, to top all that off, i have a very groovy girlfriend, 
She's amazing, like ahh! and shes absolutely gorgeous too! 
they say good things happen to those to wait, and right now, 
i totally agree.


Current Mood: grateful
Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
12:55 am
 I think I may be the happiest girl in the world right now. <3

Current Mood: ecstatic
Friday, June 27th, 2008
1:11 am
 This goes out,
to all grads of 08
its our time and our year
to celebrate.

no more high school drama,
to try and pass through,
its time to move on,
your future is up to you.

no more rules, regulations,
or mapped out days,
its a brand new direction,
a brand new maze.

another chapter has come,
to read and relive,
to return all the favours,
its our time to give.

to give back what was given,
the lessons we've learned,
the ones that have taught us,
you only get what you've earned.

so say goodbye to childhood,
we're on our way,
to freedom and adulthood,
starting today.

Congratulations class of 2008!!! =]


Current Mood: relieved
Friday, June 13th, 2008
2:25 am
.



Sara,
        
           
First off I wanna say, congratulations. High school is over and done with, and now we get to move onto the next chapter in our lives. Im about to break out the tear jerker shit right here, so you better be prepared. I wanna say a few things, above the congratulations i wanna tell you that, the transfer i made to st pauls, was probably one the best choices ive ever made, not too sure i coulda faced the unnessecary drama i encountered without you, although in the beginning we didnt instantly click, our friendship gradually grew, and you turned out to be the best friend whom helped me become the person i am now. I wanna sincerely thank you for everything. seriously. you have done so much for me its rediculous, you'll never know the full extent of my appreciation considering its hard to express. Even the things that tend to go unnoticed, like giving me a ride home, driving me to work, picking me up after work, helping me pass a course i wouldnt of otherwise done if it werent for your help, and just being there for me so i could rant about silly little stuff, and just to help me deal with little life things that i shouldnt let get to me. Thank you, & remember if you ever need anything, ill be here. =]

&& Moose,
I wish you the best of luck with everything, i know that sounds like a good-bye, but its not meant that way, because i dont think anything could seperate the canadian gangtas/wannabee 80's children. 
I know whichever path you choose to take yourself on, you'll do great, you have this far, and i know it wasn't easy, but hey ya live 'n' learn right? Its obviously made you an unbelievable person. Oh and by the way, i know i aint gotta tell ya twice but, your a beautiful "young woman" as i guess i should say, inside & out. Remember that. always.


                          

       "Do not go where the path may lead: go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"






Current Mood: grateful
Thursday, May 8th, 2008
1:52 pm

 BOUNCE;
Like your ass
 had the hiccups


BOUNCE;
Like we was ridin 
in my pickup



Current Mood: bitchy
Friday, May 2nd, 2008
8:40 pm
.

 && its not that I still want you,
Its that I
don't understand...



Current Mood: confused
Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
8:00 am
 So, i woke up this morning to puffy eyes, stuffy nose and this odd feeling.. as if i wasnt myself.. i feel light headed and dizzy.. it just seems like one of those days where you cant figure out what the fuck is wrong with yourself... I thought I'd be capable to make it through a day of work.. but i couldnt even convince myself that I could.. If you knew me, you'd know that any other day i would jump at the chance to make money because believe me, im not exactly well off in the department.. I really dont know whats wrong with me.. I definitely haven't felt like myself lately... Im truly a mess... help?
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